Just Write – Chaotic

This must be what they mean by having a peace of a mind: seeing life fall apart right in front of your eyes, but for whatever reason, it does not phase you in the slightest. You smile wide. You sleep peacefully with nothing gnawing at you in your most vulnerable of moments. Somehow, despite everything telling you otherwise, you feel that you’ll be okay.

This is my current state of being. To an extent, it is largely an exaggeration. Objectively, there is no reason to feel like this, but there are some things that would make some raise an eyebrow. Some things that are long overdue that would reduce a mere mortal to panic…like it did for me at first. It’s just, you get over things if you live long enough. You don’t care as much when you see the randomness in it all. Each action has its consequences, but cleanup is a science that has been peer-reviewed by myself across many times. I’m always able to produce similar results, so I don’t mind the wreckage as much.

Unfortunately, I cannot say the same for the road outside of the window. The bike lane. It has been torn up for quite some time and I can see that it has been miserable. Why wouldn’t it be? It hasn’t seen love for over a month. Its entire life has been uprooted (literally) just for the sake of making it better. Sometimes improvement is chaotic. I am not that road though. I do not mind the destruction my temporary reconstruction will ensure. What’s the point of change without spending a bit of it on something a little pointless? A little time spent wasted so that the time that wasn’t feels that much more valuable.

I think it’s a small price to pay. A bit of turmoil for a little extra appreciation; I think it’s a good deal. A little poison to help along this temporary existence. We are here for less than a moment. Blink too early, and the celestial bodies above just might miss our entire life. It’s terrifyingly amusing. Plus, chaos exists to terrorize the universe on an astronomical scale. I think that fact alone earns it a special place in my heart. I think that fact alone is what helps me stay sane; that even the stars are helpless when it comes to the fleeting desires of the universe.



Just Write – Jigsaw

I recently watched Daniel Sloss’ Netflix comedy special Jigsaw. It is less of a comedy show and more of a commentary, changing lives and making you think the way only good comedy can. I highly suggest everyone watches it, but for those who get offended easily, you have been warned.

Strip the show of its jokes and at the core, we have a conversation about the meaning of life. Sloss explains that his father taught him life is like a jigsaw puzzle without the box. We all have our pieces and we’re trying to put together an image without knowing what we’re working towards. We start with the corners, things like family, hobbies, work, or religion; we take those and begin to form who we are by creating the outline to our puzzle. Eventually, we begin to construct something stable, working closer toward the image we are trying to discover. The life-changing question that young Sloss asked his father was “what goes in the middle of the puzzle?” His father gave the same answer that America gives us as a society: your other half. Your lover. Your soul mate.

Sloss explains that we are taught from an early age that we are all broken and incomplete, and that we must find someone to make us feel whole again. Bombarded with this ideal our entire lives, we tend to force the first person we find into the center of our jigsaw puzzle, rearranging things to make them fit, moving out the things they don’t like. The thing is, these people aren’t puzzle pieces. They are people just like yourself with their own jigsaw puzzle they are trying to solve.

We all want love so badly that we shove other humans beings into our puzzle and pretend that the end result makes us happy, even if it doesn’t fit. That isn’t to say that every jigsaw with someone else in the center is wrong. For your puzzle, it might be perfect. It just might be the missing piece that you had been looking for. For most of us though? That simply isn’t true. Even if it is, it doesn’t mean it’s the piece we need when we’re trying to jam it in there.

Sloss revealed closer to the end of his special that he believes his father was right, but only partly. He believes that there is a big hole in the middle that needs to be filled, but the missing piece is different for everyone. For someone like his father, the missing piece was love. But for others, it could be a combination of little hobbies, a career, or literally anything else at all. It’s up to us to discover that. It’s up to us to realize that maybe the relationship we are in doesn’t necessarily fit our jigsaw puzzle when it would be easier for the other person to die than to break their heart for what we consider to be no good reason. No one wants to tell someone who has done nothing wrong that you just don’t love them anymore. That just doesn’t happen, but Sloss suggest that maybe it should. We’re too busy sacrificing our happiness for the fear of hurting someone else who doesn’t deserve it, and because we believe this is how love should be.

Love should be effortless. All the pieces in your puzzle should fit together seamlessly, and if they don’t? Maybe it’s time to reconsider what goes there. If we have shoved a significant other in there and kept them hostage despite wondering if this is all love is, maybe it’s time to break up. If we can’t love 100% of ourselves, then how can we expect someone else to? If you love yourself at less than 100%, and someone comes to love you a little bit more, it seems like a lot. But if you love yourself at 100%, then it’s gonna take someone pretty special to come love all of you, the good and the bad, to make you feel even happier.

If no one ever fits, maybe that’s for the best. But if you are happier alone than you are with the person you’re dating, engaged or even married to, maybe your partner piece is not the center of your jigsaw. The center of your jigsaw should be your happiness piece. Everything else will fall in place around it. But if that person that you are with isn’t it? Replace them with the things that do make you happy. Each and every one of us deserves it. Besides, there are 7.5 billion people on this planet. You’re bound to meet someone who fits into your life as perfectly as you do theirs.