it was as if everything he had been searching for was right there in front of his face. words all neatly bundled up into the perfect Instagram post that was only waiting to be stumbled upon. granted, the circumstances around discovery could have been better, but maybe it couldn’t have happened any other way. maybe it literally took a trip halfway across the world and back, a few broken hearts, depression, and a happy moment filled with uncertainty to find the words he wanted but didn’t quite believe existed.
he knew what he was looking for, sort of. it’s just, how do you find something when you don’t even know what it looks like? like this, I suppose. perfectly by accident, because the world isn’t that perfect but it is nice to think that it is. perfectly by accident, because you never know what comes next after reaching goals you just knew you were never going to reach. perfectly, or by accident. maybe the how doesn’t matter, but there’s still always the problem of “what do I do now…”
Fall into life some days. No need for practice or patience; just fall. Awkwardly, like a child attempting to walk. Like yourself attempting to walk so long ago.
All of us were once children. Innocent and curious. We were eager to experience that which the world had to offer us. Snowflakes that melted onto our noses, ovens that mother scolded us for getting too close to, other humans that were as tiny as we were. Other little children with big eyes and tiny hands, just as eager to explore the world as we once were. Just like us, they came into this world fumbling around, stomping furiously at the earth to claim their ability to walk no matter how many times they fell down. None of us studied or practiced walking; none of us waited until it was the right time to walk. We wanted to do so, and so we did. Granted we may have fallen and hurt ourselves a few times and cried a few times more. But, here we all are: walking.
So why we prevent ourselves from achieving new goals? Why is it that everyone is working towards their dreams, but few are living it? I refuse to believe that only some people are capable and others are not. If that were true, it’d be common to see people crawling around on the streets, waiting for the perfect time to attempt to stand. I hope that image in your mind is as ridiculous as it sounds because that’s honestly what is happening right now at this very moment. People are crawling around, waiting for the right time to claim their dream. The crawling itself isn’t bad. Before we fly we must first crawl. The frustration lies in this fact: Very few people attempt to walk, for fear of falling down and looking like an idiot. What we need to understand is that it’s okay to fall. Falling is actually quite necessary. You wouldn’t know what not to do if you didn’t fall flat on your ass as a child. There are some things you just won’t learn until you attempt to do something for yourself.
Of course, as we get older, we learn that we can avoid pain by treading precariously in paths already paved out for us. In fact, it’s perfectly fine to learn from the mistakes of others so that you don’t repeat them. What you can’t learn from others, though, is the experience. To be authentic, one must earnestly display qualities that could not be manufactured by society but are instead achieved through hard work and grit. Truthfully? That isn’t always a pretty process. I fell down as a child. I have scars on my body from playing sports too hard or making stupid decisions. But do I regret it? Of course not. I don’t regret falling over a few times as a child because now I can stand proudly on my own two legs. The only attribution I need to give in regards to my ability to walk is to myself. For all of you, it’s the same. We made our success through our own hard work, and that is truly wonderful. We crawl, we stand, we step, we run, we fall. Today we may fall flat on our asses, but tomorrow we will soar.
The night is wild. In it, aspirations bubble about in my mind, teasing me. The excitement of everything that can come to pass is a double edged sword. On one side, it is my inspiration. Thoughts of honing my linguistic mastery and speaking in other languages with ease. It stimulates. It stimulates my mind. Being able to communicate and understand on another level to another degree with other individuals would be a godsend. We all have the potential. Nothing’s stopping me from speaking Japanese and French except for the idea that I don’t have enough time. In the same way time hinders my tongue, it also hinders my fingers. I’ve begun the steps to a greater mastery of instruments, but like most, I stopped the progression. Of course, there was no real reason. One day, I didn’t take a step forward. Just as easy as it is to go step by step, I let the hours pass day by day while my body stood at a stand-still. Skills left at mediocre; skillful enough to woo once, but woe am I when I’m found to be a poser instead of the muse. It is this side of the sword that cuts me. The reality of things, and the submission I give to the steadfast desire of comfort in the unchanging. When I think deeply upon the matter, I realize I just want to do great things and leave some sort of an impact on the world, but that’s most people. For dreams to become memories to reminisce upon, I must find my own words and the will to carve out my own path down roads with destinations I have no idea about.