There’s this thing called motivation. Have you seen it? Because I have been looking for it for quite some time now. I hear motivation is a wonderful thing. It creates leaders and innovators, plus I think it would have helped me with that paper that was due last week. I still haven’t done it. I will, once I find the motivation to do so. I’m only joking. It wasn’t a paper I missed, at least not this time. Every week there seems to be something that my body lacks the wherewithal to complete. Homework. Poems. Proposals. Sleep. That last one is strange, but sometimes I even need the motivation to do that.
Thinking about it now, it’s never the major stuff that I need motivation for. It’s always the simple things like getting out of bed in the morning or finding the time for an overdue conversation. It isn’t that I don’t want to do these things, I do. It just never seems like the perfect time to do it. Each morning, I figure seven more minutes of my eyes closed will push my body to that point of being well rested. It never does. It doesn’t matter how many seven-minute increments of meditation I sleep through because my body isn’t the problem. The problem is in my head. The problem is that I want to get up, but getting up just isn’t that important to me.
Actually, that’s not right. To say that would mean getting out of a bad situation just isn’t that important to people. That simply isn’t true. The problem is that I want to get up, but the thought of the obstacles facing me after rising is sometimes enough to keep me down. I mean that in a literal sense, but it applies in all other cases. We need adversity to grow. Without it, life would be utterly boring and all achievements would be unsatisfactory. But simple adversity is not what the average person faces. We live in a world where we amass problems and wear them like badges, shouting to the world that we are human and we suffer too. We just forget to take those badges off. We forget that we are not the badges we wear, and as we continue to accumulate more issues they begin to wear us. And they begin to wear on us. They get to be so massive and so heavy that we don’t know how to function without them.
At some point, we realize we have too many problems that we are holding onto. It is around this time that we realize we are in over our heads, but we are too stubborn to admit that we need help and so we suffer. We become so heavy with the burdens we brandished because they created a sense of unity that we are no longer able to overcome them. At least, the abundance of issues makes us feel that way. It makes me think, “why bother?” Why bother when every achievement has as it’s reward another problem for me to overcome.
I don’t know if this is true or not, but I’ll tell you why I search for my motivation. The reason I bother is because I remember a time before this where I felt happy. Whether it’s possible to get back to that place is another story.