You’ve developed a bad habit: procrastination, but to a new degree. You stop– or don’t start– doing something because you feel like you aren’t enough. It’s not simply procrastination anymore. There is much more malice behind it now. Too much for you to handle. You won’t go outside because you feel like you’re inside too much. You won’t draw because you feel you can’t get better. You won’t call your friend and apologize because you’re afraid of them hating you. You won’t write because you’re worried about your writing not being good enough. Or your blog not being good enough. Too worried about it being perfect. Yeah, that one is personal.
This happens to us sometimes, and it’s stupid, we know it. Before it happens, we know it’s stupid. In hindsight, we know for sure that that kind of thinking was, not only stupid, but detrimental to ourselves. But why, for the love of all things good, don’t we realize that there is a very simple solution to when we find ourselves in that kind of rut? It really isn’t rocket science. If you never leave the house, then you’ll never get outside. If you never draw, you’ll never get better. If you never apologize, your friend will never like you. If you never write, your writing will never be good enough. Do you see where this is going?
We sometimes get caught up in a viscous cycle of negativity that feeds itself. You feel bad about not doing something, so you don’t do it. You feel bad that you still didn’t do it, and so you still don’t do it. It happens over and over and over again until, inch by inch, you’ve dug yourself 6 feet under. You get to a point where you feel It’s too late to go out and make a change. It’s too late for you to do better. It’s too late for your friend to forgive you. And while people like to say that’s it’s never too late to do what you need,* things will certainly be harder on you to do what needs to be done the longer you wait.
It starts with a day. You go a day not doing what you should. You’ll apologize/draw/whatever tomorrow. And then the next day comes. You figure, it’s only two days. The next day comes again. You figure it’s only three days, then four, then five. Soon it’s only been a week, then a month. By the time you’ve hit two months, you’ve developed a habit. It takes 66 days for a habit to form. By 66 days, you will gotten yourself into the habit of telling yourself you need to do something, not doing it, and then feeling like crap about not doing it. It’s almost like an addiction, except there’s no reward. There’s no high or fuzziness. There isn’t even a physical release to distract you from your problem. Instead, you’re addicted to the issue, and that in itself is a bigger problem.
The sad thing is that it is ridiculously easy to fix this problem. I don’t care how deep into it you are. A centimeter, or the whole nine yards. Your body isn’t physically depending on a chemical in order to keep from withdrawal, nor is the pain you’re causing upon yourself distracting you from more pain. It is a cycle that you can stop simply by doing what it is you keep telling yourself you need to do. It is really as simple as that. Just do it. It isn’t too hard to pick up a phone and call someone. It isn’t too hard to go walk around the block, even if only for a little while. It isn’t too hard to pick up a pencil and paper and let what needs to come out flow.
Even if it worries you, even if it terrifies you, you sometimes just have to do what needs to be done. Even if I’m worried about not keeping up with daily post or writing about anything good or anything like that. It’s a feeling I can escape simply by doing what I know I need, no, what I want to do. I don’t necessarily need to write in order to survive, nor does one have to draw or apologize to people or even interact with the world in order to survive. But when you can’t do the things that you really want to do because you’re afraid of doing them, then life becomes a worthless bit of existence that you hold onto tightly because you are too scared of any and everything worth living for.
Until tomorrow, or next time, whichever comes first.
*I do agree with this. It’s never too late, so that let that ever be an excuse.