Mornings

At night, you lay down and close your eyes, waiting for sleep to come. Somehow, the morning always seems to come first. Mornings…you either love them, or you hate them. I fall somewhere on both sides of the spectrum. Being an insomniac, the glorious morning sun means the end to sleep’s reign on my body. My dreams are no more, and I have to get up and face the “real world*” On the other hand, the morning is the only time of day where I can consciously experience a blissful sense of nothing.

My mornings typically go like this: I awaken between 3:55am and 4:05am and turn off my 4:00am alarm** before heading back to sleep. I usually wake back up at six, and then 6:30am. If I don’t have anything to do during the day, I try to stay in bed as long as my body will let me (which usually isn’t too long since I get very agitated from laying in bed for a prolonged period of time). Else, I’ll get up and start my day. The first thirty or so minutes of my day, I put my body on autopilot. I brush my teeth, shower, put on my clothes; all of this I do while I enjoy the peace of the early morning. There’s no screaming or annoying people. Just me, myself, and my appreciation for the small things in life.

Very rarely, I get to experience a special type of morning though. On these days, I’ll wake up, and it’s like I’m a blank slate. There’s no emotion, no thought, no information, nothing. I’m just there, living, and it’s the most wonderful feeling in the world. Inherently, I know that I’m alive whenever this happens, but that’s the only real thing that I know for a while. Lasting anywhere up from a few seconds to a few minutes, my mind is absolutely free of everything until it all comes rushing back to me.

This experience is amazing, and mornings are nice in general. Compared to sleep, however, mornings just don’t compete. In terms of consistency, sleep wins. No matter what, it’s always pleasant (the actual act of being asleep, not my night as a whole). Sometimes mornings just suck. I’ve never heard anyone complain about going to sleep at night, but I can think of dozens of people who label themselves as: “Not a morning person.”

Like it or not, if you’re looking forward to a new day, you’re going to have to face the morning. If you really hate them, then just do what I do: daydream about being asleep. It’s not quite the same, but at least it makes the morning suck a little less.

*I think it may be possible our that dreams are actually reality, and what we know as reality, is actually a collective ongoing dream. Well, I don’t think that’s true, but you never know.

**I know you are probably wondering why in the world I have an alarm for four in the morning. It’s the end of the dead hour, and I also have a tendency to wake up around this time most nights. The alarm let’s me know if I’m having a false awakening in my dream, or if I’m actually awake.

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